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Writer's pictureReb Xiberras

Consuming Love?

Millions of people are right now sitting on their couch watching Netflix feeling isolated and lonely.


In a world that considers itself globalized, never before has it been easier to connect with people from anywhere around the world. So why is it that there is a loneliness pandemic happening right now?

Loneliness has become such a prevalent feeling, that in a city of 10 million people we still feel isolated. People are staying in relationships not because they care or love their partner but because they are scared of being lonely.


In a society where the idea of love is to consume you or fulfill you, we keep creating unrealistic expectations of how it should look like, continuing to perpetuate the idea of 'not being good enough' when in reality this is our own feeling and projection when it comes to the relationship that we have with ourselves.


As we disconnect with others, we disconnect with parts of ourselves, from our own being, from our own emotions, which in turn leads to a more intense feeling of loneliness.

As we keep building expectations of how "The One" should look like, continuing to add to " The List" after every "failed" date; we keep holding on to this fantasy or image of our partners being complete and completing us. As if they are some pre-packaged meal ready to be heated up and consumed.


Our consumerist culture has permeated into the world of love and dating. We put the focus on the other. What is this person giving to my life? How are they contributing to it? Or how am I benefiting from it? How are they of value?


But rather we should shift focus on how I benefit in BEING in this relationship. WHO am I in it? HOW am I in it? Where does it take me? What and how do I contribute to it?


This consumerist mindset to Love leads us to swipe left and right on who we like and who we think is worthy of our love. Making it conditional, leading to a lack of trust and intimacy, and leading to even more loneliness.


Many people, both of whom are single and dating, and those in a relationship, have doubts and question their partners. Doubts are normal. Without doubts there would not be any commitment in the first place. Doubts are part of the process that push us to assess and choose.

Because that is what love is, above all, it is a choice. And choosing to love yourself enough to open up to the idea of loving others is where we need to start.

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